I Refuse

Do you ever get news and it feels like someone dropped a rock into the pit of your stomach?  Or you feel like you could just throw up at any second?  My husband got a call today and when I heard about it...that was the way I felt.  It's the way I still feel. 

It was a call to tell us that someone was in a car accident and passed away this afternoon.  This just happened, so I don't want to share who this person is...I want to respect the family's privacy.

While I was totally surprised by this phone call, what really bothers me is that I'm fearful for this person's eternal home.  I know that only God knew her heart and that she could be in heaven, but I also never heard her claim salvation.  It leaves me wondering.  It also leaves me with a heavy heart.  You see, this is a person that I knew.  A person that I would sometimes see on holidays or when we went out of town to visit.  This is a person that I sat in the same room with over Thanksgiving weekend.  She knew that I am a Christian.  But never once did I bring up salvation to her.  Not once...in eight plus years.

As I was contemplating this after the phone call I tried to justify myself.  I told myself that I personally knew of several people in her life who have a relationship with Christ.  Those people were closer to her.  They should have/could have shared with her.  Or that she had been a part of several family members funerals in the past several years so she had contact with pastors at that point...they could have/should have shared with her.  Maybe these people did and maybe she had made a personal decision to accept Christ, but regardless....it doesn't let me off the hook.

It is my mission, my job, my calling, my responsibility.  Because I know Jesus as my Savior.  Because I have accepted God gift of salvation.  The gift is free, but with it comes the responsibility to share it. 

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." 

Matthew 28:19-20.

I failed.  What scares me more than simply failing is my desire or should I say lack of desire.  I should be so filled with the love of Jesus that it oozes out of me.  I should be so overwhelmed by his love for me...by his grace...by his mercy....that I can't help but share it with others.  God is soooo good and yet so many times I keep him to myself.  That's not what I want.  That's not what God wants from me either.

So tonight I've asked God for forgiveness.  I am going to pray for this persons family like you wouldn't believe.  That's the least I can do now.  And I am going to pray that God will fill me with desire to share the gospel with those who don't yet know Him.  I pray that He would burden my heart for those who don't yet know about his love.  I pray that he will change me.

I've heard the song "I Refuse" by Josh Wilson on the radio lately.  Wow.  This is my prayer.