Sweetly Broken. Wholly Surrendered.

I enjoy writing.  I often get inspired and want to sit and write, but finding the time is sometimes difficult.  Mostly because I also enjoy reading, sewing, playing games with my kids, watching television and napping.  I really love napping.

But sometimes the urge to write just nags and nags at me until I can't ignore it any longer.  That's what the last 24 hours have been like for me.  The thoughts just keep on coming until I can't do anything except to sit down and write them out so that I can share them with others.

Yesterday was Sunday.  It had been a really long week and honestly, I didn't really want to get up and go to church.  When the alarm went off at 6:20a.m., I spent the next hour getting ready and trying to figure out how I could put off my responsibilities at church so that I could go back to bed.  And really, no one would have faulted me.  It would have been understandable.  But in the end I rallied and walked out the door with my family on time.  I wish I could say I did it with a smile, but it was more like with a yawn and my head resting against the back of the seat while Denver drove.

Once at church, it was great to catch up with friends that I've been missing and it felt good to take care of my responsibilities and not to push them into another already busy coming week.  And then worship started.  Our team led us in the song "Sweetly Broken" by Jeremy Riddle and it was like the Lord reached down and was standing in front of me.  The whole song is incredible, but I'll just share the lyrics for the chorus.

"At the cross, You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees
And I am lost for words, so lost in love
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered."

The words spoke to me and stayed with me into the message.  We were asked, "How big is your God?" and discussed what holy means and what it's like to be in His presence.  In the book of Exodus, when the Moses was on the mountain with God, the Israelites didn't see God, but just feeling His presence so near made them tremble.  Shortly after this, Moses was permitted to see the backside of God...just a wisp of his Presence after it passed.  Then when he went down from the mountain, his face glowed!

After service all of this kept running through my mind until it became almost a picture.  The Lord beckons all of us to the cross.  He loves us, disciplines us, leads us, whispers our names, reaches out to us...all to bring us to the foot of the cross.  And when we finally get there, we are so overwhelmed with His holiness, how could we even stay on our feet?!  I imagine myself, feel myself...just falling to my face and unable to even look into his eyes.  I'm so overcome by my shame and His glory, and yet here He is.  He reaches out again and "You draw me gently to my knees and I'm lost for words, so lost in love"  Even now, as I write this, the tears run down my face.  This kind of love is unimaginable.  Indescribable.  And yet, it's a free gift.  God sacrificed His one and only Son to save me.

I've spent the last few hours thinking through the "sweetly broken, wholly surrendered" part of the lyrics.  Have you ever held your child when they are completely broken?  Maybe they were hurt or sick or another child was mean to them.  You hold them tight in your arms as they sob and sob.  Your shirt is wet.  They are hot and sweaty and have their face buried in your neck.  You feel their tears on your cheek and smell that little kid smell as you hold them close.  And finally they give in and fall asleep in your arms.  Their hot little body becomes limp.  They are "sweetly broken, wholly surrendered" to you.  They came to you for love and care and entrust you with everything they have.  And that's what God wants for us.  To be sweetly broken and wholly surrendered to Him.  What a safe place to be!

But sometimes it's so hard to get there.  There are tears and red cheeks and heaves and sobs.  And yet He's there.  Just waiting for us to surrender.  To just be held by the Father.

That's where I want to be.  At the cross.  On my knees.  Lost for words.  Lost in love.
  Sweetly broken.  Wholly surrendered.