It was Caleb this time.

Looking back through my posts, I've noticed that I tend to write things about Ben.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe it's because he's started school this year and is having new experiences.  Or maybe because he's learning more about the world around him.  At any rate, this time it was Caleb who's said the funniest and most compassionate things the last few days.

Caleb loves to make people laugh. 
This was taken poolside last summer.

I'll start with the funny.  I posted this on my Facebook page, but for those of you that missed it....I'll tell about it again.  The other day Ben and Caleb were downstairs playing the Wii when of course they started fighting.  Those two can fight about anything.  I used to jump in right away and try to calm things down, but if I still tried to do that....I wouldn't do anything else for the rest of the day.  So these days I sometimes let them work it out for themselves...so long as there isn't any "touching" involved.  So this is the conversation I hear from downstairs:

"Stop!  Or I'm not going to call you my brother anymore." said Ben.

Caleb's reply, "I don't care if you call me your brother.  I am your brother for always.  You can only not be my brother if you go back in mommy's tummy and come out someone elses!"

Holy Cow!   It took everything in my not to laugh hysterically at the top of the stairs.  It was one rare moment when Ben didn't have a response.


Later in the day I was giving Eli some medicine.  For the last week and a half the boys have been passing around Strep Throat.  (We're praying that Denver doesn't get it before or during his Haiti trip.)  Anyway, Eli woke up sick that morning and was feeling pretty bad.  He'd slept and not ate anything all morning long.  He was only up to get some more medicine.

Caleb walked in the kitchen, saw what I was doing and asked, "Mom, did you pray for Jesus to touch him yet?"  Uh.  Uh.  Uh.  I totally had the deer in the headlights look. 

"Well.....not yet."  I said.

"I'll do it."  So Caleb took Eli by the hand and walked him down the hallway to his bedroom.  I quietly followed behind.  I felt so low and disappointed in myself for not praying for Eli and also so proud and in awe of Caleb and his faith.

Eli and Caleb
(Eli's in the stage where his smile
is more of a grimace. ha!)

I stood in the hall and peeked into the room as Caleb let Eli climb onto the bed first and then got up behind him.  Eli laid down on his pillow and Caleb helped him pull the covers up.  Then my four year old sat beside his little brother, put his small hand on Eli's forehead and prayed something like this:

     "Dear Jesus,

     Thank you for my food because I forgot to pray before lunch.  And please touch Eli because he is really sick.  Please take his sick away.  In Jesus name, amen."

Then Caleb told Eli to go to sleep, climbed down from the bed and met me in the hall.  I asked him, "Caleb, do you think Jesus hears when we pray and that he helps us?"

"Yep."  Then he took off.  There were toys to play with and things to do.  I, however, stood in the hallway for a moment.  I stood still and took the time to pray for my sick little guy and to thank God for the faith of my Caleb.  I know that Caleb doesn't understand it all yet, but I just am in awe of him.  I guess that's the childlike faith that God tells us about. 

I'm afraid of the dark.

Yep.  I said it.  I am afraid of the dark.  Well, I guess it's not really the dark itself but more of what is in or could be in the dark.  When Denver is away over night I hardly sleep.  I'm always afraid someone is going to break in and get us while he's gone.  I lay in bed staring at the door watching for someone.  I run through my mind what I would do if someone did break in...how would I get to the boys...where is my phone...how could we get out of the house.  I know...I'm crazy.  It probably doesn't help that I really enjoy watching all those crime and cops shows on television.

I'm afraid of other things too.  I'm not talking about snakes or spiders although I can't say I'm particularly fond of them, but I'm thinking more about life.  Things that could happen. 

Sometimes when I read or hear stories about families with small children who suffer from awful diseases, it scares me.  It makes me grateful for the health of my children, but it also causes fear.  I mean, if it could happen to their kids then it could happen to mine.  That's scary stuff and I often wonder if I could handle going through something like that.

It scares me to think about myself becoming sick or hurt.  I mean, what if I had cancer or was in a serious car accident.  I know that Denver loves the boys beyond belief and would take wonderful care of them, but children need their mom right?  I love those little boogers.

The thing that is scaring me recently though is Denver's return trip to Haiti.  I wasn't really scared the first time he went.  I was anxious, but not fearful.  A week and a half before he went last time, I was on my own mission trip, so maybe I was just more distracted that time.  Whatever the reason, this time I am scared.  What if something happens to him?  What would I do without him?  What would the boys do without their daddy?  How could we keep our house?  Where could I find a job?  Who would watch the boys while I was at my job?  How could I even function without him? 

Denver knows that I have these fears.  He keeps telling me, "Don't be afraid.  God doesn't give us a spirit of fear."  My response is "Yes, dear.  Easy for you to say.  I'm just being realistic."  However, after doing some reading and praying today, I realize what I'm really saying is "My faith is small."

See, Denver has been called to Haiti.  He has no doubt and neither do I.  God has a job for him there.  He's following God's will.  So I'm saying, "God, I don't trust you.  I don't have faith in you."  Ouch....not exactly what I want to say. 

The good news is:

• faith banishes fear
• faith breeds praise
• when I am praising God my fears fade and my faith flourishes. 

So it all starts with a little faith and a little praise.  So I'm going to try.  I'm going to set aside my fears and grab on to my faith.  I am going to praise my Heavenly Father.  I am going to give him my fears and let him work in my life.  I know this doesn't mean that my boys won't get sick, or that I won't have some terrible accident or that Denver is guaranteed to be safe it Haiti.  But it does mean that I trust my God to be with me.  I trust that he has a plan for me and my family.  A plan not to harm us...a plan to give us a hope and a future.  This will be hard for me.  I may need some reminders from my friends.  But this is what I want.  I want to trust...I want to have faith.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?"     

Psalm 56:3-4

 

So what are you afraid of today?  What keeps you awake at night?  Do you want to live a life of fear or can you grab on to your faith instead? 

I have big ideas.

“And he did not do many miracles there because of their lack of faith.”

Matthew 13:58

 

Boy, I sure don't want this scripture to be what God writes about me.  My devotion for the day was on faith.  It talked about how God wants us to have a big vision because having a big vision reflect our faith in a big God.  All this talk about vision got me really excited. 

 

This is one of my gifts.  I'm a visionary.   I have big ideas...see how things should come together...like to figure out all the details...enjoy the troubleshooting part of a new project....love to get it started.  Then...I want to hand it all off to someone else so that I can start on the next thing. 

 

Sometimes this is a good thing.  Sometimes it works because I have worked hard to follow God's path and not my own.  Often times God has called someone to take over when I'm ready to hand things off because some people are gifted with the follow through...but not so much with the ideas to get things up and running. 

 

And then sometimes I forget to include God's plans in my vision, so there is no one called or prepared for the position that I think is needed.  Somtimes it's just fun to start something new and I get to many irons in the fire.

 

So my devotion today made me excited and yet made me want to be cautious.  You see, I am in the middle of planning a summer mission trip to work with a church in Chinle, Arizona.  The church is located on Navajo Nation, an Indian Reservation.  Last summer I went there with 3 other women from the church.  We were put together with other families from California and Colorado.  This year we are planning the whole trip ourselves and it will only be members from our church going.  This is huge and I am nearly BURSTING at the seams with ideas!  I have a vision that has been taking shape for the last several months.

 

During my reading and quiet time today, I think God was warning me of two things:

 

Number One:  This one is pretty obvious...whatever vision I have should glorify Him.  I can glorify Him by having faith that he knows best and by letting him be in control.  I need to get rid of any selfish ideas or thoughts of control.  This isn't my trip.  It's not about what I want.  It's not about my comfort.  It's not about what's easy for me or puts me in the limelight.  First it's about my Savior and second it's about the people that I am going to serve.  Everything I do for this trip should point right back to God.



Kids we got to spend time with during
Bible School last year in Arizona.

 
Number Two:  God's vision is bigger than my own.  Today I read, "Expand your vision of what He wants you to do by tenfold, maybe a hundredfold. Do not sell your Savior short. Why settle for a few who might find Christ, when you can trust God for hundreds, even thousands who will grace the gates of glory because you believed Him in a big way." (Boyd Bailey)  God can do and wants to do infinitely more than I can even begin to imagine!  This is so exciting because I already feel like my vision is big!  What a Mighty God we serve!