Unanswered Prayers

I used to listen to country music a lot.  Especially when I was in high school.  My friend Steph and I would drive around in her car singing.  She would sing loud while I was a little more quiet.  (Don't worry, she knows this is the truth and wouldn't be offended by the comment.  :o)  Some songs were fun and crazy.  Then when songs like "Someone Else's Star" by Bryan White came on, we would get really quiet and just know that he was singing about us.

I don't listen to country music very often any more.  One night last week I was driving home from church.  I was alone.  It was dark.  I wanted to sing to the radio.  I turned on WFRN, but it was Odyssey time....not really for me.  Then I hit Pulse, but it was a commercial break.  So next I switched over the the country station.  I don't really remember what was playing at first.  It was a song I knew, so at least I fulfilled my urge to sing out loud and alone in the car.

The next song on was "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks.  I know, the song can be a little cheesy.  But I knew the words and continued to sing a long.  The words made me start to reflect a little on my own life.  Now, I don't think God leaves prayers unanswered.  Sometimes he answers yes, sometimes wait and sometimes his answer is just no.  I think sometimes we feel like it was unanswered when we don't get the results we want in a timely fashion.

Anyway, it made me think about my past.  The things I've prayed for and wanted so badly.  And you know what?  I am so very thankful that his answer was "no".  Like most people, I have chosen to be in bad relationships and friendships.  The people I was with and the things that we did together didn't honor God and they weren't healthy for me.  At the time, in the back of my mind, I knew these things.  I knew they were poor choices, but even still I prayed that God would help everything thing to work out with that person or those friends.  I spent many nights up crying and begging God to answer my prayers with a yes.

That night in the car I spent some time thinking about what my life might be like now if I'd gotten what I so badly wanted then.  I am so thankful.  I am so glad that I serve a God who loves me.  A Father that won't always give me what I want, what I think is best or what I deserve.  A God who tells me "no".

If I had gotten what I wanted then, I may not even have a relationship with God now.  I wouldn't be with my amazing and loving husband.  I wouldn't have my three handsome and crazy boys.  I am blessed.....so blessed, because his answer was "no".

I Refuse

Do you ever get news and it feels like someone dropped a rock into the pit of your stomach?  Or you feel like you could just throw up at any second?  My husband got a call today and when I heard about it...that was the way I felt.  It's the way I still feel. 

It was a call to tell us that someone was in a car accident and passed away this afternoon.  This just happened, so I don't want to share who this person is...I want to respect the family's privacy.

While I was totally surprised by this phone call, what really bothers me is that I'm fearful for this person's eternal home.  I know that only God knew her heart and that she could be in heaven, but I also never heard her claim salvation.  It leaves me wondering.  It also leaves me with a heavy heart.  You see, this is a person that I knew.  A person that I would sometimes see on holidays or when we went out of town to visit.  This is a person that I sat in the same room with over Thanksgiving weekend.  She knew that I am a Christian.  But never once did I bring up salvation to her.  Not once...in eight plus years.

As I was contemplating this after the phone call I tried to justify myself.  I told myself that I personally knew of several people in her life who have a relationship with Christ.  Those people were closer to her.  They should have/could have shared with her.  Or that she had been a part of several family members funerals in the past several years so she had contact with pastors at that point...they could have/should have shared with her.  Maybe these people did and maybe she had made a personal decision to accept Christ, but regardless....it doesn't let me off the hook.

It is my mission, my job, my calling, my responsibility.  Because I know Jesus as my Savior.  Because I have accepted God gift of salvation.  The gift is free, but with it comes the responsibility to share it. 

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." 

Matthew 28:19-20.

I failed.  What scares me more than simply failing is my desire or should I say lack of desire.  I should be so filled with the love of Jesus that it oozes out of me.  I should be so overwhelmed by his love for me...by his grace...by his mercy....that I can't help but share it with others.  God is soooo good and yet so many times I keep him to myself.  That's not what I want.  That's not what God wants from me either.

So tonight I've asked God for forgiveness.  I am going to pray for this persons family like you wouldn't believe.  That's the least I can do now.  And I am going to pray that God will fill me with desire to share the gospel with those who don't yet know Him.  I pray that He would burden my heart for those who don't yet know about his love.  I pray that he will change me.

I've heard the song "I Refuse" by Josh Wilson on the radio lately.  Wow.  This is my prayer.